We Were Supposed to Move Forward

I have lived in the UK all my life. When I was younger, I managed a nightclub and would sometimes walk home at four in the morning.

There was always a bit of fear. I am not going to pretend there was not. But I only lived ten minutes away. It was a walk home, not an expedition across the Sahara.

In all those years, I was never attacked.

Now, at 48, I look at what women and girls are dealing with and it feels as though we have gone backwards. We were supposed to be moving forward. Instead, women are told to plan every journey home like they are preparing for a military operation.

Phone charged. Location shared. Keys ready. No headphones. Avoid dark streets. Avoid quiet streets. Avoid walking alone. Avoid walking with someone you do not know. Preferably, it seems, avoid existing after dark.

Violence against women feels out of control.

And instead of dealing with the real problem, people turn it into an argument about migrants, culture or whichever group they want to blame that day. But rape happened then, and rape is still happening now. The problem has never belonged to one culture or one community.

The problem is violence against women. The problem is misogyny. The problem is the messages boys and men absorb about power, entitlement and what they can get away with.

Social media has made some of it worse. So has a culture that treats harassment as banter, excuses violence as a “mistake”, and teaches girls to protect themselves before it teaches boys not to harm them.

Women get a whole masterclass in avoiding violence. Maybe boys need the first lesson: do not cause it.

We need to start young.

Do not hit girls. Do not hit women. Do not rape. Do not laugh it off when your mate says something disgusting. Do not teach boys that being a man means control, intimidation or fear.

It is the lowest bar imaginable — “do not rape people” — and somehow we are still tripping over it. I just cannot get my head around this it should be so easy.